When Roxas Loses his Keyblades
by Marioman2233
Summary: ROXAS MAD!


It all started when our adventure-loving...adventurer, Roxas, woke up in a lemur-infested moor. It was the first time it had happened. Feeling barely stunned, Roxas backhanded a ninja star, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). With fist clenched and teeth gnashed, he realized that his beloved Keyblades were missing! Immediately he called his former lay, Axel. Roxas had known Axel for (plus or minus) one million years, the majority of which were sassy ones. Axel was unique. He was congenial though sometimes a little... dimwitted. Roxas called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Axel picked up to a very sad Roxas. Axel calmly assured him that most long-haired sea monkeys turn red before mating, yet albino cats usually exotically cringe *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Roxas. Why was Axel trying to distract Roxas? Because he had snuck out from Roxas's with the Keyblades only three days prior. they were eccentric little Keyblades... how could he resist?

It didn't take long before Roxas got back to the subject at hand: his Keyblades. Axel yawned. Relunctantly, Axel invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Keyblades. Roxas grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Axel realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Keyblades and he had to do it deftly. He figured that if Roxas took the spaceship, he had take at least eleven minutes before Roxas would get there. But if he took the Skateboard? Then Axel would be exceedingly screwed.

Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Axel was interrupted by five oafish Nobodiess that were lured by his Keyblades. Axel belched; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling puzzled, he thoughtfully reached for his ripened avocado and deftly attacked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the lemur-infested moor, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Skateboard rolling up. It was Roxas.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at The Salvation Army to pick up a 12-pack of ripened avocados, so he knew he was running late. With a calculated leap, Roxas was out of the Skateboard and went flamboyantly jaunting toward Axel's front door. Meanwhile inside, Axel was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Keyblades into a box of gerbils and then slid the box behind his elephant. Axel was puzzled but at least the Keyblades was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Axel exotically purred. With a deft push, Roxas opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some pestering coke fiend in a curb-jumping ghetto sled (Impala),' he lied. 'It's fine,' Axel assured him. Roxas took a seat about two saucy furlongs from where Axel had hidden the Keyblades. Axel cringed trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Roxas was distracted. Giggling like schoolgirl, Axel noticed a stupid look on Roxas's face. Roxas slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Axel felt a stabbing pain in his kidney when Roxas asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Keyblades right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A clueless look started to form on Roxas's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's bananas from when she used to have pet South American hissing sloths. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Roxas nodded with fake acknowledgment...then, before Axel could react, Roxas aimlessly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Keyblades was plainly in view.

Roxas stared at Axel for what must've been three microseconds. Like a drunken pirate at happy hour(Xigbar), Axel groped flamboyantly in Roxas's direction, clearly desperate. Roxas grabbed the Keyblades and bolted for the door. It was locked. Axel let out a eccentric chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Roxas,' he rebuked. Axel always had been a little annoying, so Roxas knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Axel did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at him or something. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confusions, he gripped his Keyblades tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Axel looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Roxas. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame eight days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Roxas. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Axel walked over to the window and looked down. Roxas was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Roxas was struggling to make his way through the disease-infested jungle behind Axel's place. Roxas had severely hurt his scalp during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Nobodies suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Keyblades. One by one they latched on to Roxas. Already weakened from his injury, Roxas yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Nobodies running off with his Keyblades.

But then God came down with His ingenious smile and restored Roxas's Keyblades. Feeling stunned, God smote the Nobodies for their injustice. Then He got in His curb-jumping ghetto sled (Impala) and sputtered away with the fortitude of 200,000 disease-carrying chipmunks running from a enormous pack of Indonesian devil cats. Roxas flipped with joy when he saw this. His Keyblades was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in nine minutes his favorite TV show, Hannah Montana, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When 3-legged wallabies meet malaria'). Roxas was pleased. And so, everyone except Axel and a few pipe bomb-toting man-eating capybaras lived blissfully happy, forever after.

THE END


End file.
